


Narcoleptic

by writingtoreachyou



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt, Fear, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-31
Updated: 2016-03-31
Packaged: 2018-05-30 09:38:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6418357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writingtoreachyou/pseuds/writingtoreachyou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mike writes his closing statement and struggles with it. Why isn't Harvey there to support him? A slightly different take on what happened during the last couple of episodes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Narcoleptic

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by [Placebo - Narcoleptic](https://youtu.be/g0JWyiP1ZMw)

_Slip and stumble at my first offences_  
_It's not treason, it's no lie_  
_You talk in paragraphs_  
_I write my sentence_  
_It's not treason, it's no lie_

_It seemed a place for us to dream_

Mike rubbed his eyes, feeling exhausted and betrayed, at the same time he knew that he was being absolutely unfair even thinking that way. Everything was about to change, one way or another. As soon as the jury had found a verdict, his life would never be the same again - even if these words he was trying to come up with now to convince those people of his (fake) innocence were strong enough a case, some things could never go back to normal. Rachel’s family would never accept him and if he was completely honest with himself, he couldn’t do this anymore. Couldn’t marry her. Because deep down inside he knew that all of this had been part of his act. He had pretended to be someone he wasn’t.  
A successful Harvard graduate.  
A straight, successful Harvard graduate.

Harvey had made it all so very easy for him, from his job interview until now. He had always chosen him over Jessica, over anybody really and each time someone threatened to expose his secret - their secret - he had fought like a lion to make sure they would be okay. Even during those difficult times when they worked opposite sides, when they didn’t seem to see eye to eye on a lot of things, he had secretly been backing him and pulled as many strings as he could for him to not get burnt. He had chosen his side during the negotiations with Logan Sanders and when he had lost his job, he had made sure he stayed focused and grounded - even though he had always done it in his typical Harvey-Specter-No-Deep-Feelings manner that Mike had seen through from day one.

Mike blinked. Focus. Now. He stared at what he had written so far and let out a frustrated grunt before tossing the paper into the fire. Usually the words came easily; whenever he was around clients, he could effortlessly come up with something compassionate to say to make them open up to him. It shouldn’t be difficult for him to appeal to the jury’s emotions but this was different. He felt hollow inside. Scared. And left alone.  
To be frank, he had been the one to send Rachel away - but she hadn’t been the person he so desperately needed right now and the way she had tried to nudge him in the direction she considered right… It wasn’t her closing, it was his! The only person he was sure would truly get that had been suspiciously quiet. Harvey hadn’t called. Hadn’t texted. Hadn’t been in touch any other way to help him with this. Knowing him, he had probably tried to pull some strings behind his back instead to make things alright again. It was just what he did and even though it frustrated Mike beyond belief, it had saved their asses many times in the past…  
Then why did he feel so fucking lonely right now?  
Those thoughts alone felt like betrayal. He should cut Harvey some slack, why couldn’t he simply trust him with this?

He stared into the fire for a moment when realisation suddenly hit him: Harvey would do anything to prevent this from happening. Including turning himself in. He had threatened to do that many times over the past couple of days and every single time Mike had stopped him and said that he could never live with himself if he did - but the silence could only mean that one thing, couldn’t it?

He got to his feet - Mike needed to see Harvey before he could make a stupid mistake. While he put on his jacket, he tried to phone Harvey but wasn’t surprised when the call went straight to voicemail. When he tried Donna’s number instead and she also didn’t pick up, he got worried and quickly slid into his converse, grabbed his keys and rushed out of the door.  
„Come on, Donna…“ he muttered urgently to himself as he hurried down the stairs but she still didn’t pick up. „Don’t leave me hanging here…“ When he realised that he was basically talking to himself, he put the phone away again and called a cab.  
Where to? Harvey’s place? Office? He chose the office, if Harvey still tried to figure out a way to get them out of this without having to rely on the jury - a mistrial? - he’d be at work.  
On his way, he rang both Harvey’s and Donna’s phones again but to no avail.  
When the cab driver pulled up, he quickly paid too much because he was too busy thinking about the what if’s but he didn’t return when the man behind the wheel shouted after him „Sir, wait!“, before he shook his head - „some people…“ - and drove away.

Had the elevator always been this slow? Mike shuffled his feet and sprinted towards Harvey’s office as soon as the door opened, disregarding the odd looks the the two, three people that were still working at this hour. gave him and felt an incredible wave of relief wash over him when he saw his boss and his secretary staring out of the window, backs turned towards the door.  
„Harvey…“ he pressed out while he tried to catch his breath. His chest was aching, he could suddenly begin to relate to the other man’s panic attacks, everything seemed to be closing in on him for a second. He held onto the door frame and waited for them to turn around.  
Donna was faster, she briefly rested her hand on Harvey’s shoulder and said with a small smile „Told you so…“ before she approached Mike and repeated the gesture a tiny bit longer „I’ll leave you two to it. It’s late… See you in court, just do what you do best and you’ll be fine.“ She looked him in the eyes for a moment and revealed so much more than she could put into words. Comfort, worry, compassion, the promise to be there in case he needed her. He acknowledged it with a weak but honest smile and mouthed ‚Thank you‘ before he walked up to Harvey and stood next to him, staring out of the window the way they had done it so many times before. His breathing was still off but his heart no longer exploded in his chest and after another moment, he was calm.  
Funny, how Harvey could do that to him.

„I was worried you’d do it anyway…“ Mike said with low but steady voice.  
„Donna is still talking me out of it“ Harvey replied honestly and looked at Mike, there was something in his eyes Mike hardly got to see.  
„Don’t.“ Mike ran his hand through his hair and sighed. He was exhausted. They had screamed at each other more than once and he was so tired of fighting. „I won’t let you ruin your life because of me.“  
The older man barely held it together. Mike had witnessed these weak moments more frequently over the past year. Harvey had changed and sometimes he wondered if it was because he had left him to work for somebody else. He was even harder on himself than he used to be, put himself under more pressure than he could cope with and even though he had always been stubborn as fuck, he was also short-tempered and moody a lot of the times. But right now he wasn’t hard, he wasn’t unforgiving - if anything, then towards himself. His eyes were dark and his emotions seemed to take over when he forced out „You’re in this because of me.“  
Mike’s breathing hitched in surprise at the sound of his voice. He had never heard Harvey this desperate and it scared the shit out of him. Usually he was supposed to be the emotional one, Harvey was the man in control of himself and his feelings. But the moment he tried to wrap his arms around him and pull him into a hug, Harvey took a step back and changed his attitude completely. He held Mike at arm’s length and said harshly „What are you doing? You’re supposed to be working on your closing right now! This is not the time to be fucking selfless, Mike!“ His walls firmly back in place, he spat out „If you don’t up your game, you will end up in prison and there is shit I can do about it…“

_Crush and crumble under your defences_  
_It's not treason, it's no lie_  
_You frame the photograph_  
_I sit on fences_  
_Change of season, love can die_

„You’re only pissed at me because I’m representing myself instead of you. No. Not pissed. You feel fucking helpless and now you’re trying to pass that on to me but I won’t buy it….“ Mike was beginning to throw a tantrum right back at Harvey. „You fucking tell me that I’ll lose this, that I’ll end up in prison, you say the jury will find me guilty - actually you’ve been saying that all along. Where’s your faith? Rachel keeps telling me to have faith in myself and what do you do? You shatter it all to pieces!!!“  
Harvey widened his eyes and asked incredulously „Rachel? Where is she now? Why are you here? What do you fucking want from me? What do you need? My approval? My What, my respect? You know that you have all of that. It still won’t be enough. If you don’t fucking sit down and *write* the best goddamn speech of your *life* instead of standing here trying to save *me*!“

Mike stared at Harvey, the rage had magically disappeared when he realised „All evening I sat at home, trying to write this piece. Thinking why you’re not prepping me… Wondering what you’re up to, if you had some magic tricks up your sleeve. Pitying myself for having to do this alone when we’ve always been a team. Each time. Just not today.“ He said those words slowly and never took his eyes off of the other man who seemed exhausted and defeated.  
„You couldn’t come, could you? Because you’re scared of losing me. And you thought that if you’d let me see your fear, I wouldn’t be able to believe in myself. And wouldn’t be able to write a closing that could save me.“  
Harvey sat down on the edge of the couch, he hardly met the younger man’s eyes.  
„Mike…“ he started tiredly but nothing followed.  
And it was all the confirmation Mike needed. He took a step closer and affectionately ran his hand through Harvey’s hair. He whispered „Listen to me… Whatever’s gonna happen tomorrow… You will not lose me.“ He tilted his head and mumbled „I may not be physically available for some time,“ he tried to joke even though it was a difficult thing to do right now „but you’ve always loved me for my brains anyway, haven’t you?“ He kissed Harvey’s forehead and was relieved when the other man wrapped his arms around him and pulled him close.  
After a moment of silence, Harvey replied „That. And everything else.“  
Mike’s heart skipped a beat „You do know that you have the worst timing in the world when it comes to declaring your love to another person, right?“ not quite sure if they were joking or not.  
Harvey pulled back a little so he could look into his eyes „My therapist would say I’m three years late due to my abandonment issues - but since you cannot run away from me when you’re in prison…“ he winked carefully even though it was obvious how much of a struggle this was for him. For both of them.  
Mike felt exhausted and overwhelmed at the same time. He whispered barely audible „So how do we win this thing?“ and Harvey ran his hands along his back and replied seriously „We will sit down now and write the best goddamn speech of your life.“ And Mike believed him.

**Author's Note:**

> This was my very first Suits slash story, so I hope you enjoyed it and it was somewhat what you expected it to be. I have written quite a bunch of fanfiction in my life, but the fandom is new to me - I still need to 'grow into' the characters to feel them better but please say this didn't totally suck xxx
> 
> PS: I put the "change of season, love can die" in there to refer to Rachel, of course Marvey never dies :D


End file.
